Monday, May 21, 2007

They say you learn new things everyday...

That's an understatement.

Nothing has quite made me feel more like an idiot than first time homeownership. My underestimations and overestimations have caused a lot of laughter. Not laughter from me, of course, laughter at me.

Chris had to work Saturday so I decided I would impress him with my cleaning ability (trust me, it wouldn't take much based on my history folks). I cleaned the living room and dining room, contemplated making a sweater from all the cat fur... wondered how two cats could leave that much fur and still have hair... then made my way to the dreaded Master Bath. To be honest, I'd been avoiding it. Without a fully encapsulated chemical suit equipped with a government approved gas mask, I was afraid for my health and safety.

Armed with thick jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and Chris' slippers (I wasn't about to ruin my own!) I attacked the shower. I poured through an entire bottle of Kaboom (at times I wished the stupid cleaning solution would live up to its name so I could make a home insurance claim rather than an emergency room run after catching a disease). Disappointingly, after two scrub throughs, the shower looked dirtier. The soap scum had been hiding a whole layer of mildew. I guess I hadn't realized that soap scum can actually be attractive compared to other shower 'ick'.

I pulled out the bleach and scrubbed away. First coat. Scrub. Rinse. Second coat. Scrub. Rinse. Third coat. Sit for 10 minutes. Scrub. Rinse.

I realized I MAY have been overdoing it after discovering my industrial strength gloves were beginning to melt and my eyes beginning to itch... oh and I developed a real naggy cough.

I poured a final coat of bleach in the shower to soak and went to watch some much needed TV (by this time, I had been scrubbing this danged shower for 2 hours). Chris called about 9:30 PM to tell me he was on his way home. I told him I thought I perhaps got some bleach up my nose because that was all I could smell.

Chris came home, opened the front door, and started to gag. 'What did you do?!?!' he gasped.

'Huh?' I mumbled. I was in the middle of a chick flick and a stack of double stuffed Oreos, that was the best response I had.

'Hon, the house smells awful? It smells like... *sniffs*... BLEACH!! Why do you have all the windows and doors closed?!? Are you trying to kill yourself?'

I'd been in the house all day by myself and I did what every normal girl does in that situation, locked every door and window!

How do you tell your hubby that you'd rather die of chemical fumes than white trash crime?!?!

But I didn't die... and the cough is clearing...


Oh, and I'm over budget... again.

I hadn't anticipated:

2 bottles of bleach
2 bottles of Kaboom
1 industrial pair of gloves
1 pair of slippers (sorry hon)

For one bathroom.

Just a quick question:

Everyone has little black spots in their vision right? And when you cough, your lungs burn too right?

Learning. New things. Everyday.


sewcreative said...

Rebekah!!!!! People are going to think that I didn't teach you anything! You ALWAYS purchase a two story house so that you can lock all doors downstairs so that you can open the windows upstairs while you clean. Also, you get that industrial cleaner from Smart and Final, Shower Power, that takes off your skin once the industrial gloves have dissolved first. That stuff is awesome!! Then, you also purchase the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner, Super Quick Bowl Cleaner. (They don't package that bottle in a secure plastic bag for nothing!) I'm surprised we still have toilets standing in this place. Home ownership!!! What can I say? There's so much more to look forward to. Love, mom

Nicole McDonough said...

You wanna come do my shower next?

Lizzie said...

When we were still in the "cleaning and renovating" process in this house I couldn't even stand to eat in it-how are you living in it? Seriously, I couldn't even look into the family room from the kitchen at the wood plank walls. I don't know why, but I would totally gag and about lose my lunch. I just had to concentrate on what I was eating and look at nothing else. But trust me, after a while, it will feel like your place and you won't need four bottles of cleaning solution at every go. :-)

Rudra said...

Interesting to know.