Friday, May 11, 2007

Is there a salt lick around here somewhere? I'm hungry and I have hives.

Yesterday seemed 3 days long - hence the ridiculously long post.

Shortly after arriving at work, I got a call from John-E. This is seriously how it went:

Me: Hey dude what's up?
J-E: Nothing much. Hey do you know where dad is?
Me: He's in San Fran. Sorry.
J-E: Oh that's OK. What are you up to?
Me: Workin'. What’s up with you?
J-E: Lindsey’s water broke and we're at the hospital.

John missed the 'freak out' gene and I think I got his share.

Mom and I hopped to the hospital in a jiff when we heard the baby was sideways and due for a C-section.

Beautiful Keira was born at 1:10 PM.

She and Lindsey are doing great.

Lindsey was a total champ. She had to wait in the operating room by herself while she was prepped for surgery (They wouldn’t let John in until after she was prepped).

I think I would have passed out from a panic attack without someone by my side.

Cheers to Lindsey the champ.

We stuck around for a few hours checking out the hot little thing and received a call that our house closed. We were to pick up the keys at 6PM.

Promptly at 6, Chris and I arrived at the address expecting to be greeted by an empty house with a Realtor holding the keys.


We arrived to a FULL house with furniture ALL OVER THE YARD! There was an overflowing dumpster in the driveway and a huge moving van blocking the front of the house.

The homeowners... cancel that, at that time I was technically the homeowner... the SQUATTERS had just started packing that day. 35 days to pack and they pack on the day of closing.


There was a lot of screaming, a lot of stomping around, a lot of 'You've GOT to be KIDDING me!!!', and a lot of arm flailing - some digits flying higher than others if you know what I mean.

All me.

All within the first 5 minutes.

I don't think I've ever been that angry in my life.

I turned red.

Then blue.

Then broke out in hives.

Turns out... anger doesn't suite me well.

Hives?!?! How's that possible?!?!

The seller's realtor told us they hadn't anticipated us closing in time (I guess the last 35 days of... 'WE'RE CLOSING ON THE 10TH' wasn't enough). The seller's wife/girlfriend/whatever made a face at me and tossed her clothes angrily into her car.

She's 40! Who makes faces at 40!??!

I started walking toward her when Chris grabbed my arm. He'd never seen me that mad before so he wasn't technically sure what I was capable of.

I don't know if I would have 'hit' her per se...


The next 7 hours where quite literally the most miserable of the year. I called the locksmiths, I chewed out the realtor, but just as I was attempting to call the cops, Chris stopped me.


I took a 3 hour stroll around Lowe's to calm down.

At Midnight last night, we took possession of OUR first house.

The sellers Realtor left the keys under the mat and ran like a little girl. I knew he was hiding something as soon as I heard he wanted to throw the keys under the mat and jet before we even arrived.

Whelp, he ran for a reason.

The garage is 25 – 50% full of everything the sellers didn’t want. Broken furniture. Broken doors. Shoes. Trash. Old clothes. Crutches (perhaps they were preparing for my arrival!).

The back yard has MORE broken furniture. A broken appliance graveyard. More broken doors (how they break doors and why they keep them I just don't know). And more trash.

I'm frustrated but relieved they are gone.

We have lots of work to do.

This is getting a bit long but I’ll have to tell you later about the fist fight my dad got into at a gas station.

It was such a weird day yesterday.

1 comment:

Nicole McDonough said...

If you would have called me, I could have been one of your henchmen! We could have kicked some serious ass together, including Chris" if need be:)