But I’m trying to be a good wife!!

The only phrase more deadly to marriage than, ‘Honey are you OK?’ is…

‘Sweetheart, you’ll never believe how much I saved while shopping today.’

I literally saw Chris’ eyes glaze as they rolled backward after I uttered those damning words.

I bought some beautiful deep red towels yesterday (a smokin’ sale at Target – and I mean SMOKIN’) because I want to redo the colors in our bathroom. What bathroom? The one we WILL have… someday. I think.

Try explaining the necessity of the aforementioned towels to a man who owns nearly 20 – the same man who doesn’t own a home to put them in.

‘But they aren’t THESE towels’ I whined (half pleading so I wouldn’t have to return them – returning towels is such a pain in the bum).

He threw in the required, ‘Why do I work so hard just so you can spend money on things we don’t need?’ and ‘We don’t even OWN A HOUSE!!’ before kissing me on the forehead and conceding.

Why the concession? I talked to him smack in the middle of the ESPN report. Mamma didn’t raise a fool.

Man I’m going to miss cable. How will I ever buy anything!?



The North has declared war on the South… of my face that is. I’m 26. There is no denying that I’m starting to show my age. My eyes are starting to crinkle at the corners…even when I’m not smiling. Those annoying fine lines on my forehead just never take a break.

But…

Nothing drives me more insane than the lower part of my face resembling a pubescent teenager. Aren’t you supposed to stop breaking out when you’re, like, 16!!??

The vengeful South is reacting to the aging North in an effort prove it’s still young. It wants to show it’s still a MILF despite its age. (‘Membrane I’d Like to Flaunt’ – get your minds out of the gutter!!)

What person watches Proactiv AND Botox commercials with equal interest?!?!?

Perhaps I can convince Chris that Botox is a requirement.

… but I might have to wait until the Super Bowl.

In the mean time… I still have Photoshop.