Wednesday, January 16, 2008

But I’m alive!!

I went to the dentist today to have two crowns replaced. Don’t be jealous OK?

I’m already deathly afraid of anyone who is legally allowed to drill your teeth out (Um, hello? The horror film ‘The Dentist’ was probably based on a true story!) and today’s experience didn’t make my phobia any less present.

You see, at my ghetto dentist, you would close your eyes to prevent any water being splashed in them. At this new high tech place, they give you huge yellow foggy glasses. The giant all plastic blind old people glasses.

Totally Hot, I know.

Then, my dentist is lovely, but I didn’t appreciate her conversation with the assistant.

‘Doesn’t she have beautiful skin?’ she said while pointing at me.

‘I’d kill for her eyelashes. She should be an actress or something.’ replied the assistant.

‘Her shoes are sooooo cute!’ The dentist said, muffled by her mask.

OK, two huge problems:

1 – Please don’t talk about me like I’m at a funeral parlor and you are preparing me for a viewing. I’m alive… and despite these gi-normous glasses that cover most of my face, my ears are still fully functional. Though, if you give me one more shot of Novocain, I’m not sure how much longer they will work – but trust me, I’m willing to take the risk. Load me up.

2 – I’m on to your little game. You are trying to make me feel better by developing a ‘connection’ from compliments. Let me clarify something for you - you could say I was hotter than Claudia Schiffer and I still wouldn’t like you. It’s not personal; it’s your pain inducing drill.

I survived, but barely.

Does anyone know how many Tylenol you can take just before it becomes toxic but way after it takes the pain away?


Anonymous said...

Yikes...maybe you should have started eating "sugar free" gum when you were still a kid. Just kidding! I don't envy you at all and I do not like dentists either. =)~

Lizzie M. said...

I just can't stop laughing....

Nicole said...

Maybe they're used to non-english speaking patients and it was like a cheap nail salon in reverse. As far as the Tylenol goes, maybe it's the same rule as sorbitol:)