Dogs? No, I don’t have any, why do you ask?

In an attempt to ‘be a responsible dog owner’, I purchased a $90 rod iron fence to cover the little holes the dogs were digging to ‘visit’ the neighbors.

Three days later, after letting her anger stew a while, the neighbor came over to yell at me again about the dogs. Mike wasn’t home so I couldn’t shove him in front of her and tell him to take his shirt off and smile to calm her down.

Apparently my dogs were able to wiggle through the bars and get into her yard. The bars are 2 ½” apart. My dogs are 5” wide. Either a.) They’ve got hops – enough to leap over a 4 foot fence or b.) They’ve been breaking into the house, stealing the Pam Cooking Spray from under the stove, greasing the fence, and shoving themselves through.

UGH!!!

I went immediately down to Lowe’s and plopped another $50 on more fencing.

Then…

Casey came over to visit yesterday and let’s just put it this way…

Casey has dogs, I have dogs. My dogs smell Casey’s dogs on her purse. My dogs ‘mark their territory’.

And no, it can’t possibly be a $20 purse from Target – it had to be a brand spankin’ new Coach Purse.

So it’s no exaggeration to say that yesterday wasn’t the best day for a ‘pet friendly’ realtor to drop off her card, a note pad with pictures of her and her dogs on it, and a sticker for my front door that says:

‘Dear firefighters and police officers, in case of a fire we have animals in this house. Their names are __­­­­­__________’


I took a fat felt tip marker and scribbled, ‘Nope, we’re good. Please save the little girls next door. Thanks!’



Then, to make things worse, I took the purse to the cleaners this morning. Nothing says ‘ROB ME BLIND’ like a beautiful Coach Purse. I explained to the lady that my dog had… relieved himself… on the purse and I had washed the bag but it needed a professional cleaning.

She spent 5 minutes looking me up and down then said, ‘This needs to be sent out. Very expensive.’

‘Umm. Can you spot clean just this part?’ I begged.

‘No, I can only clean the whole purse’ she said.

‘But they didn’t touch the whole thing just this…’ I tried

‘No. Whole thing.’ She snapped.

‘But…’ I started again.

‘No!’ She said in finality. ‘And this will take a week.’

‘Wait! A week!?!? But I don’t have a week!’ I pleaded.

‘Let me make a call.’ She picked up the phone and started speaking in a foreign language. I’m guessing she said, ‘Yeah, I’ve got this lady here holding a very expensive Coach Purse and I’m trying to figure out how we can get as much money as possible from her. Oh, and she literally has ‘sucker’ written across her forehead.’

She hung up, ‘I can get it done tomorrow but that will cost you extra.’

I didn’t know what else to do so I left the purse in the hands of the crazy cleaning lady. As if she hadn’t raked me over the coals enough she called me back to sign a waiver.

‘Just in case anything goes wrong’ she said with a smile.

Thanks…