Friday, June 15, 2007

Anorexia by default…

People who know me don't have nightmares that 'Freddie' or 'Jason' will come to kill them at night... they have nightmares about having my marshmallow teeth.

They should make a horror flick about me. Call it 'Night of the Snaggle Tooth'.

The plot line would be:
Crazed redhead with fractured teeth storms through town hunting for Novocain. Dentists are brutally slaughtered and innocent bystanders are run over by dental chairs that come to life.

She eventually dies in the end because the fear of eating and breaking more teeth causes her to starve to death.

I should spare Lizzy and Cole the bad dreams but...

Last night while downing a container of Baskin Robbin's goodness, I broke a tooth.

Mind you, I only had one good side to eat on since my big fat metal temporary crown sits in the place of my last fractured tooth. Now I have no good sides to eat on and to make matters worse, my dentist office is closed until Monday.

I will be drinking my birthday cake on Sunday since chewing isn't an option. Blender anyone?

Now's the time when mothers use me as an example to small children about the dangers of sugar.

'Now see there Timmy, see that big metal tooth in this nice lady's mouth? That's what happens when you don't brush and floss. You wouldn't want to look like her right?'

I would try to interrupt and say 'BUT I DO BRUSH AND FLOSS TWICE A DAY AND I DON'T EAT ALL SUGAR' but it's usually a waste. I'm just the visual aid and visual aids aren't supposed to argue.

I just smile, tell the children how painful root canals are, open my mouth to expose the gleaming metal, and send the children running. They usually scream 'I'll never eat sugar again!' or 'Mommy can you buy me more toothbrushes?'.

The smart ones ask if the tooth comes with super powers.

I tell them yes.

My teeth have the power to max out credit cards in under a second.

Fortunately I'll get the pretty porcelain permanent crown on in two weeks but before then, I'm pretty sure I’ll be on Root Canal #4 thanks to this stupid broken tooth. This may be the first time I've had TWO metal gigantor temps in my mouth at the same time. Perhaps I'll be put on the Public Announcement Channel while 'Dangers of bad dental hygiene explained by a tooth impaired woman' scrolls across the bottom.

I could be famous.


Lizzie said...

So sorry for you!!!

I HATE the dentist, though I've never had a root canal, I'm paranoid they are going to say I need one every time I go for a cleaning.


sewcreative said...

Aren't you glad that you are a Johnson/Hays? Of course we didn't get grandma's teeth, but hey.
So sorry Becks! I feel for more ways than you think. Love, mom

Nicole McDonough said...

It wasn't the sugar it was the excessive amount of ice you used to chew. I'm pretty sure I would be justified in saying, "Told you so".